Tips for Maintaining a Positive Relationship with Your Child’s Other Parent After Separation or Divorce

We all want the best for our kids but that isn’t always possible during a separation or divorce because we are all human. We have emotions. Separation and divorce can come with a wide range of emotions, including grief and hurt and sometimes those emotions can get in the way of having a positive relationship with your child’s other parent. However, putting aside your own feelings will help you maintain a positive relationship with your ex-partner, which will allow you to put your children first and ease your own stress and heartache.

What is Co-Parenting?

Before we look at tips on how to maintain a positive relationship with your child’s other parent after separation or divorce, it is good to understand what co-parenting is. In a nutshell, co-parenting is when both parents play an active role in the daily lives of their children. Shared schedules, custody arrangements, shared responsibility on decisions and more are all part of co-parenting that allows parents to ensure that all of their kids’ needs are met. It also ensures that both parents can maintain a close relationship with their kids.

Co-parenting, when done in healthy ways, ensures that kids adapt better to divorce and that their emotional and mental well-being is good.

In essence, co-parenting is creating a new partnership that focuses on the kids lives.

It should be noted that when we look at co-parenting, we are talking about divorces that do not involve domestic abuse and violence. There are certain circumstances where a positive relationship is not possible for safety.

Tips for Maintaining a Health Relationship

Now that we know what co-parenting is, let’s look at ways that you can maintain a healthy relationship with your child’s other parent.

Number One: Set Aside your own Hurt

We’ve already hinted at this but no matter who initiated the divorce, there will still be feelings of hurt and anger. Remember that this is a grieving process, and you will need to grieve. However, to maintain a healthy positive relationship, you need to set aside your own hurt when you are dealing with your ex-partner.

This means that you may have to find ways to communicate with your ex-partner when you are feeling extra hurt, such as through a communication journal. Another point is to use someone other than your child to vent about your feelings. Venting to your children raises their stress and makes them feel that they have to take sides. If you have a friend or therapist, use them to vent.

When you see your ex-partner, or interact, remember that you both have one thing in common—wanting the best for your kids—so make that a common ground to help motivate your actions to establish that positive relationship with your ex-partner.

Number Two: Focus on the Kids

This is pretty simple to explain…again, we are going to that common ground. If both you and your ex-partner agree to keep your interactions on the kids, you are less likely to focus on negative aspects of your past relationship.

Whenever you find your conversations getting off course, steer back to the kids by bringing up something positive that the kids did or said, or an accomplishment that they had. This will help ease the tension between you and you can spend a few minutes just enjoying that positive moment together before getting back to the task at hand, such as setting up the custody schedule.

Number Three: Make Communication Peaceful and Purposeful

You don’t have to have long conversations with your ex-partner, and chances are, you won’t want to have those conversation.  Instead, plan out every conversation and only communicate when you need to.

Before you do, look at your mindset. If you are angry or feeling anything negative, even if it isn’t about your ex-partner, reschedule a meeting with them. You want to take the time before your meeting to refocus on your kids. Ask yourself some questions like:

1. Why are we meeting?
2. What outcome am I hoping for?
3. What am I willing to compromise on?

The main takeaway with conversations is to keep your child the main focal point of all your communication. By doing this, you are avoiding conflict and that can help build a positive relationship where your kids are concerned.

Number Four: Co-parent as a Team

Another important tip for keeping a positive relationship with your ex-partner is to remember that you are a team, even if you are not in the same house. This means that you should listen to them and what they’d like for the kids in regard to schedules and routines. If you want some changes to those schedules and routines, talk to the other parent and find a middle ground for both of you. By having a relationship that is built on teamwork, you will be able to keep consistency in your children’s lives and you will naturally build a positive relationship.

Remember, consistency along with following up and checking in with each other is essential to building a successful team and this will only help your relationship as co-parents.

Number Five: Approach Things with Respect

Finally, make sure that you approach dealings with your ex-partner with respect. That means that you listen to what your ex-partner says and also that you aren’t actively ignoring their wishes. This doesn’t mean that you give into everything but when you do have disagreements, you approach it in a respectful manner and avoid any negative behaviours that might have occurred in the past.

With respect, it means being polite and peaceful. Discussing your points in a calm manner, listening to their points and then working together for a compromise that both of you can agree on.

When you work toward a positive relationship, you will find that the further along you get in your co-parenting relationship, the easier it is to have a positive relationship. And you will also find that your kids will flourish when they have two parents who, while not together, still maintain a positive relationship.